Let's talk about the Paintball Girls who are a very important topic to all of us Weekend Paintball Warriors . . .  

Now I know all troops in battle have pin ups in their gear locker… and are we any different?  Does your paintball gear stash have pics of these beauties posted proudly?  Of course it does trooper! 

Remember those WWII pinup girls – adorning planes, bombs, playing cards… Well what we need are the eternal Vargas Girls of Paintball!  Who is with me here?!?  But why do we need them?  Let’s take a short journey and see what necessitates our obsession with the lovely, the eternal… The Paintball Girls.

It’s like the Tour d’France… kinda

The Thrill of Victory, and the Agony of Defeat… every day during the Tour d’France, some guy gets to wear the Yellow Jersey.  The guy who wins that stage of the race, and he is king for a day. 

So what does this have to do with us, fellow Paintballers?  If you ever watch what happens when that dude wins, you will know what I mean.  They put him up on a platform, and surround him with beautiful girls! 

While he is wearing his yellow shirt and waving at the world, BEAUTIFUL girls are doing the same, and we are talking girls from France, Spain, Portugal…. Ah I digress, where was I?  Oh yes, Paintball Girls!  When we win the day, we need assurance from the fairer sex that we have won the day and they are there to wave at the crowd with is, basking in our victory. 

Then, perhaps talking to us.  Like even if we falter, and forget our name, they should still smile, and laugh (not laugh AT us), and tell us we are winners that day!

War and Beauty

Let’s face it – War sucks.  We play paintball not to commemorate war, but to engage in sport with our friends.  Paintball gear, paintball courses, paintball tournaments… it’s all in good fun.  We are far removed from the reality of our poor soldiers on foreign lands to whom we are eternally grateful.  

The similarity of our two worlds is this:  We are a bunch of dudes thrashing through the wilderness together and we want chicks around. 

Sure we can let them play with us, but then it turns into a paintball version of co-ed 3 on 3.  It’s like pulling your punches, you know? 

To the ladies that play our sport, I mean no disrespect:  If you want to write an article on Paintball Guys, be my guest.  Just don’t ask me to look at it, especially if you make a calendar.

Implements of War vs. dammmmmmn

The reality of our situation is this; we are a bunch of overgrown boys.  We have cool gear, we have tactics, we crouch and advance.  Some would call us nerds, geeks, whatever. 

We don’t care what they think, it’s our sport.  What legitimizes sports, dear readers?  That’s right, Hot Girls.  If the last 40 years in sports television has taught us anything, it is that hot girls legitimize any sporting activity. 

Hunt your fellow man on the battle field?  Ok, here are your pinup girl playing cards.  Want to race bikes over some European mountains?  Ok, wear this silly yellow thing, but you get two fine young ladies on either side of you when you win.  Win, my friends… and you get to talk to hot girls!

Gentlemen, the existence of Paintball Girls legitimizes our sport to the world, don’t you see!  I suggest we continue our weekend escapades as we always have, with one exception; whoever wins this weekend gets to wear a bright yellow camouflage jersey, drink from the Stanley Cup of Paintball, and surround himself with a bevy, yes a bevy… of Hot Paintball Girls.  ‘nuf said, dismissed!

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